When bad press releases happen to good people:

“With the new Ed Hardy store opening in London’s Westfield this week, Ed Hardy designs are proving to be more popular than ever!

Just like our clothing, office decor should be forward thinking, comfortable, personal, and above all… fashionable! We use it every day, so why not indulge in a little luxury with these fabulous ‘Tattoo Mice’ and ‘Tatoo Mouse Pads’ by Ed Hardy Computer Supplies.

These are part of a new, stylish range of computer accessories, designed for both men and women. They not only feature top of the range technology but look ultra sleek. It’s the gift of kudos that the designers at Ed Hardy have a knack for.”

(Just to remind us what we’re dealing with here…)

 

 

Translation:

“DENIAL ain’t just a river in Egypt.

And we at (d)E(a)D Hardy are currently wallowing in the stuff. Our failure to accept that our brand is more than over has led us to have opened a new store in the longest shopping centre of them all…Westfields.

We’re really gutted that Skepta is no longer backing us. You’d think that having the very greasy Peter Andre as the new face would have bumped our sales up but it hasn’t (because sexy grime MCs beat warbling r&b stars any day), so in turn we decided to release a range of office accessories in the hope of bringing in more P. Yes. OFFICE ACCESSORIES.

Just like our clothing range, the office decor is hideous, chavvy and is best avoided by people with epilepsy or migraine tendancies because its so visually disorientating. We currently have tattoo mouse pads and tattoo mice, but who knows, if times get really hard maybe we’ll release tattoo paper shredders and tattoo desks too. Don’t believe us? Take a look:

They are part of a range designed for men and women – that’s why some bits are pink and other bits are blue, duh. They also use ‘top of the range technology’ (probably not) as well as looking extra…sleek. And by sleek we mean butters. It’s the gift of desperation that the designers at Ed Hardy have the knack for.

We use the range everyday (because it’s free and we have to), so why not indulge in a little Ed Hardy for your office too, and help us beat the credit crunch…”

On that note:

Dear Christian Audigier,

Suck Out! Stop opening new stores, stop sending us press releases, stop designing office accessories and you know what,  stop desiging clothes.

xxx

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