As you look around, tattoos seem to be everywhere these days.

You have one you think is definitely really meaningful. Your mates have a couple from when they chipped in for that tattoo guy off eBay and needed to practise. Hell, even your mum has a cheeky one that she got when she went on holiday ‘with the girls’ last year.

Once something that was associated with the very alternative side of society… or convicts, tattoos have now hit the mainstream. Hard.

Not only does every one seem to have them, tattoo designs have crept into fashion, with big name designers such as Chanel, Rodarte and Jean Paul Gaultier incorporating them into their catwalk shows for Spring/Summer 2010.

Chanel even released a pack of temporary tattoos (very much like the ones you used to get free in packs of chewing gum) for fifty quid which include chain designs, swallows, flowers and of course, the crossed C logo which were hailed as a saving grace by the fashion pack for those who didn’t want a real one, but couldn’t afford the jewellery option of their favourite designers either.

Even videos were put up on YouTube telling you how to apply them to perfection.

So you’ve got the tattoos (real or otherwise). You may even drink Sailor Jerry’s rum. Now you need the t-shirt.

And no I’m not talking that Ed Hardy stuff. Don’t get me wrong, I have a massive Ed Hardy poster in my bedroom. I’d even go as far as to say I love the old-school designs.  But the clothing? Uh no. I’ve never seen anyone wear it that even had a tattoo. Or probably anyone that knows who Ed Hardy even was.

No. I’m talking clothes that subtly include tattoo influences.

Kelly Goss from Rock ‘n’ Needle clothing has the right idea.

“I was surrounded by mass produced gothic clothing and wanted to produce something more original,” she said.

“It doesn’t surprise me that tattoos and rock ‘n’ roll culture are becoming increasingly popular as I think people have become bored with clothing and from a designers perspective I find clothing far more interesting with a bit of attitude! I thought the transfer tattoos looked great with Chanel outfits, it was a modern twist with Chanel’s style and represented the original rebellious roots of the Chanel brand”.

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When bad press releases happen to good people:

“With the new Ed Hardy store opening in London’s Westfield this week, Ed Hardy designs are proving to be more popular than ever!

Just like our clothing, office decor should be forward thinking, comfortable, personal, and above all… fashionable! We use it every day, so why not indulge in a little luxury with these fabulous ‘Tattoo Mice’ and ‘Tatoo Mouse Pads’ by Ed Hardy Computer Supplies.

These are part of a new, stylish range of computer accessories, designed for both men and women. They not only feature top of the range technology but look ultra sleek. It’s the gift of kudos that the designers at Ed Hardy have a knack for.”

(Just to remind us what we’re dealing with here…)

 

 

Translation:

“DENIAL ain’t just a river in Egypt.

And we at (d)E(a)D Hardy are currently wallowing in the stuff. Our failure to accept that our brand is more than over has led us to have opened a new store in the longest shopping centre of them all…Westfields.

We’re really gutted that Skepta is no longer backing us. You’d think that having the very greasy Peter Andre as the new face would have bumped our sales up but it hasn’t (because sexy grime MCs beat warbling r&b stars any day), so in turn we decided to release a range of office accessories in the hope of bringing in more P. Yes. OFFICE ACCESSORIES.

Just like our clothing range, the office decor is hideous, chavvy and is best avoided by people with epilepsy or migraine tendancies because its so visually disorientating. We currently have tattoo mouse pads and tattoo mice, but who knows, if times get really hard maybe we’ll release tattoo paper shredders and tattoo desks too. Don’t believe us? Take a look:

They are part of a range designed for men and women – that’s why some bits are pink and other bits are blue, duh. They also use ‘top of the range technology’ (probably not) as well as looking extra…sleek. And by sleek we mean butters. It’s the gift of desperation that the designers at Ed Hardy have the knack for.

We use the range everyday (because it’s free and we have to), so why not indulge in a little Ed Hardy for your office too, and help us beat the credit crunch…”

On that note:

Dear Christian Audigier,

Suck Out! Stop opening new stores, stop sending us press releases, stop designing office accessories and you know what,  stop desiging clothes.

xxx

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